Yo, Dawg, We Heard You Like Motorcycles.

We’d be the first to agree that Riding all day is super, super boring. But you have to admit it has one distinct advantage over more exciting hobbies like hockey, basketball and BMX racing:

Old folks can do it. And not just as a weekend hobby, but at elite levels! Our dreams of becoming a Major League shortstop were already obviously, hopelessly unrealistic by the time we were in high school. We don’t even remember what it felt like to believe that could have happened. But what if we wanted to make it on the biker scene? We’re in our 30s; we’ve still got almost 20 years to enjoy that delusion!

Here are the four essential things a serious biker needs to be successful: Balance, discipline, a lot of good luck, and a cool motorcycle helmet. So let’s run down the list in order.

01. Balance – In our case, as yet undiscovered. Possibly too much drinking.

02. Discipline – Can be developed, right?

03. Good Luck – Champions make their own luck (using a process we don’t know very much about, and will have to look into before the 2025 Daytona Bike Week).

04. A Cool Motorcycle Helmet– CHECK.

With the Gloss Black Polo Motorcycle Helmet, we’re basically 25% of the way to a life of a biker. It’s durably made from fiberglass, and can't get lost through rough rainy weather if I can’t find a bridge to hide underneath.

Oh, the Gloss Polo Motorcycle Helmet also has a steel quick release and steel rivets. We’re thinking how tough we will look when we’re recognized.

OK, so being a professional biker wasn’t our first choice. But let’s face it, the NHL is brutally physical, and there’s a lot of running in basketball. No one wants to see a middle-ager getting thrashed in an MMA cage, and as for football… well, let’s not be ridiculous. Yeah, we’re long past our sell-by date for a career in all the best sports. So biker it is! We’re ordering the polo motorcycle helmet today, and tomorrow, who knows? Maybe we’ll get on the interstate or something. There’s no rush; we’ve got years to get good at this hobby.

Just so we’ve got it straight, though, I should not drink before I drive?