German Gloss Novelty Motorcycle Helmet

When I first packed my bags to take that long trip across the ocean, I knew I was going to have a little culture shock. I mean, Germany’s not the good ol’ USA, after all. I knew they’d be a bit more… European. But I figured I could handle it. After all, if I thought I was not fitting in, I’d have my German Gloss Novelty Motorcycle Helmet to put on. It’s small, and easy to carry, but also powerful as well. On the plane over, I used the German Novelty Helmet as a pillow. So I figured I had nothing to worry about! I had plenty of money, and had rented an apartment in one of the best cities in the world! My own apartment! It would be so fun, I thought! So restful!

But when I picked up my keys… well, the landlady was nice enough, but my upstairs neighbor, my Lord! Every day, at eleven in the morning, he’s leaping and slapping the floor and yelling out HAAA! like he’s Bruce Lee or something. My German wasn’t too good, but everybody spoke English, so that was nice, and it let me ask around. Apparently he though he was some kind of ninja. And that freaked me out, because I thought ninja were supposed to be quiet. I figured yelling HAAA! all the time would be against the ninja code. But, hey, when in Rome, right? So I decided to just be tolerant of this Berlininja dude and make do. But, honestly, every day? Every single day?

So then I figured maybe I should just make friends, and then I could ask him to tone it down. I felt lucky that I had remembered to bring some extra German Motorcycle Helmet. I could choose to give him the German Gloss, or the German Chrome, or the German Flat Black Motorcycle Helmet, or more! I went with German Bone Yard Red, because I figured even a ninja would know what a skull was. I mean, there’s a Harley Shop in Japan, right? Even some idiot who grew up in the mountains and whined about his father 24/7 would know what German Motorcycle Helmet was.

Anyway, I get there, and the guy’s gone. Just gone. I don’t even get to tell him about the way my German Motorcycle helmets are made out of fiberglass. Right then, I figured I’d leave it for him on the doorstep. So I make a nice little note, you know, just to say hi. And I don’t hear from him that night, but that’s no big deal. I figure maybe he just gets home late. All that rooftop sneaking in the dark, fighting Batman or whatever.

But then! Then! I’m at the store across town, buying new clothes because for some reason all the ones I left at the laundromat have been seized by the police as part of an investigation into a severed head- no kidding, it’s a crazy city, Berlin- and then who do you think comes waltzing in? That’s right, my upstairs neighbor, the ninja dude! I nod, and smile, and he completely blows me off. Just blows me off! Not even a thank you for the German Motorcycle Helmet. He goes right to the women’s clothing section and buys a pair of woman’s pants! Can you imagine? It used to be, a ninja was a real man’s man. I guess times sure have changed.

Anyway, I had to cut my trip short because some cops blew up a warehouse or something, but I guess it was fun. I’m just glad my German Gloss Novelty Motorcycle helped me blend in. But I did get home to find I got this cool envelope of black sand in the mail. Wonder what that’s all about?

• Lightweight, composite fiberglass shell
• German styling
• Quick Release closure
• One-year warranty
• Minimal Plush Moisture Absorbent Interior
• Steel Rivets
• Gloss Black Finish

This is not a D.O.T. Certified helmet.