Digital ACU NeoDanna

HOST: Welcome to The Answer Is Kim Jong-Il, the only game show in the entire world. Today’s first combatant is Paek Song-Ryol, a street-sweeper from Kaesong Industrial Region who enjoys chess, ideology, and foraging for edible grasses. Comrade Paek, our informants indicate that you have not smiled since Juche year 71, or the imperialist year 1989. The Great Leader Kim Jong-Il salutes you on your serious-mindedness.

PAEK SONG-RYOL (bowing, nodding): Thank you, Great Leader. Thank you.

HOST: Your enemy today is Tammy McDougal, a claims adjuster from Ventura, California, who has cravenly wasted her life in service to the imperialists. How many Korean babies have you starved to death today, Ms. McDougal?

TAMMY MCDOUGAL: Uh, excuse me?

HOST: Never mind. Your crimes are infamous to all the peoples of the world, and you shall be judged severely for your deviations. Now, let’s play our game. Question the first: who is the only NBA player to score 100 points in a single game?

TAMMY MCDOUGAL: Wilt Chamberlain.

HOST: Incorrect!

PAEK SONG-RYOL (bowing, nodding): Kim Jong-Il, please.

HOST: Correct! The answer is Kim Jong-Il! Comrade Paek, you win 100 grains of rice. Question the second: who invented the world’s first artificial human heart?

TAMMY MCDOUGAL: That was Robert Jarvik.

HOST: Incorrect!

PAEK SONG-RYOL (bowing, nodding): Kim Jong-Il, please.

HOST: Correct! The answer is Kim Jong-Il! Comrade Paek, you win 200 grains of rice. Question the third: what company makes the Digital ACU NeoDanna that features a revolutionary item with multiple features. Our 100% cotton bandanna is combined with a neoprene face mask to ensure full coverage of the face and neck, providing a comfortable light-weight fit. The neoprene section covers the cheeks, nose & mouth, while the bandanna is easily adjusted with a Velcro closure. Ideal for wind and dust protection in both warm and cold weather settings. Digital Green Camouflage. U.S.A. Patented, all in a package that’s affordable for the typical worker?

TAMMY MCDOUGAL: OK, now I know this one for sure. It’s Iron Horse Helmets.

HOST: Incorrect!

PAEK SONG-RYOL (bowing, nodding): Kim Jong-Il, please.

HOST: Correct! The answer is Kim Jong-Il! Comrade Paek, you win 300 grains of rice.

TAMMY MCDOUGAL: But that doesn’t make any sense! Kim Jong-Il is a person, not a company-

HOST: Silence! Guards, take away this counterrevolutionary contestant and strap her into the chair for the “lightning round." That’s all we have time for today. Until next time, we raise a revolutionary salute to Comrade Paek Song-Ryol, who remembered the most important piece of trivia of them all: The Answer Is Kim Jong-Il!